The Camera swoops into STILES’ bedroom to find the teen tossing and turning in bed, the sweaty teen in the midst of a pretty scary looking nightmare
“Don’t,” he mutters. “Don’t let them in…”
Suddenly Stiles isn’t in bed, he’s stuck in a locker in the boy’s changing room. Is it that stench of week old lacrosse socks that’s got out fearless side kick in a tizz? No… it’s Beacon Hill High school in the middle of the night. Yikes.
Busting out of the locker Stiles wonders out into the empty night time hall to see an open door beckoning him.
beyond the door, the classroom has been taken over by THE NEMETON – the dead roots of the ancient tree that he sacrificed himself to to save his dad at the end of the last season. Double yikes!
Stiles reaches for the stump tentatively, but as if he can’t stop and tendrils of tree roots wrap around his wrist!
This is enough to jerk Stiles awake.
He sits up in his bed, shaking off the dream, but he’s not alone… Hold the phone romance fans… LYDIA is all snuggled up with him and asking him what’s wrong!
They look pretty cosy, man. I guess a lot can happen to a pair of red blooded teens in three months, huh?
Lydia comforts Stiles, asking him what’s wrong.
“It was like a dream within a dream,” Stiles says, accepting her comfort. But then he really looks at Lydia.
“Lydia..what are you doing here?”
Right? Like WE ALL WANT TO KNOW, YO.
As the bedroom door creeks open, it becomes clear that this is a dream within a dream within A DREAM WITHIN A…OH GOD, INCEPTION-VERSE!
Dream!Lydia doesn’t want Stiles to close the door.
“But what if they get in?” Stiles whispers.
But Lydia begs him to leave the door, begs him to come back to bed. (rowr) But as Stiles ignores her, she starts hysterically calling for him “not to go in there”.
But of course he does, because it’s a scary night time forest and the Nemeton is waiting…
“This is just s dream,” Stiles tells himself. “Wake up, Stiles. Wake up, Stiles! WAKE UP.”
Because talking to yourself in the third person isn’t a sign of being barking dog bonkers at all.
Stiles does manage to wake up, PHEW!
He heads in to school with SCOTT. HI SCOTT! HI SCOTT’S NEW ALPHA ABS! God, I missed you.
Stiles explains sleep paralysis in excruciating detail to Scott, who seems to comprehend roughly two words in every ten, but still. *BRO FIST*
They booth look incredibly sporty and attractive.
Scott reasons that what they did that night – sacrificing themselves at the end of last season – is still effecting them and perhaps they’re suffering from PTSD.
Stiles admits it might be true, but that the scariest thing for him is that he can’t tell if he’s asleep or not, even now.
CUE never shreddingly sharp jump cut to Stiles ACTUALLY waking up, screaming hysterically as his poor beleaguered father Sheriff WHOSE FIRST NAME IS STILL A MYSTERY Stilinski comforts him.
Aaaand, now we have no idea what’s real or not either. Well played, Teen Wolf Showrunner Jeff Davis, well played.
Titles roll – Hands plunging through dirt, naked Tyler Hoechlin, naked Tyler Hochlin, naked Tyler Hoechlin … and we’re back with the story…
Scott’s getting ready for school! His alpha muscles rippling in the early morning light. Nice.
As he turns to leave the room, his shadow shows his claws peeking out of his finger tips. He stills and tries to pull them back, no knowing whether they were real or not.
Turns out they’re not, but he’s clearly ruffled.
Just as he’s about to open the door, ISAAC steps up. Isaac, who’s been macking on Scott’s ex, ALLISON, all the while living under the McCall roof ever since former alpha, DEREK, kicked him out. Whoops.
“Are you angry at me?” Isaac asks. An awkward conversation ensues regarding Isaac’s closeness to Allison, which bordered on creepy last season, and how Scott may or may not feel about it.
Scott admits doesn’t know how he feels – This is seriously one of the best things about Scott as a character. He’s really self aware and doesn’t dissemble. His being so completely honest with Isaac is just another way in which he proves he’s the most well adjusted Character on this show.
“You didn’t kiss her or anything, right?” Scotts asks Isaac.
“Of course not!” Isaac replies.
“Did you want to?” asks, Scott. Bro, try not to ask questions you do not want to know the answer to, little tip for the future.
“OH HELLS YEAH,” says Isaac, for whom honesty is less of a great choice than it is for Scott.
Cut to the hall way outside Scoots room as Isaac comes flying out into the wall.
Mama McCall is not impressed by supernatural shenanigans.
Meanwhile back at Stile’s place, his school books have turned Greek on him. He can’t read the titles. They’re gibberish.
But Stiles doesn’t have a chance to figure out what the hell is going on because The Nameless One, his Sheriff dad, has a box of Sheriff only files on him that he brushes off when Stiles asks what they are.
Allison is also heading in to school, only her apartment appears to now have a gross abandoned hospital in the lobby.
She looks like she’s not sure that was there when she came home from school yesterday, but she sets out to explore the grotty, flickering fluorescent lit morgue anyway, as you do.
In the morgue, naturally, she finds her murderous aunt KATE ARGENT, morgue draw and flashes back to Kate’s horrible demise at the claws of PETER HALE (YAY!) , and steels herself to look in side….
ONLY TO SEE UNDEAD KATE AGENT SCRAMBLING UP THE STAINLESS STEEL HELL HOLE LIKE A NIGHTMARE SPIDER WOMAN THING.
Run Allison! For the love of all that’s holy, run!
Allison runs.
Straight into school just as the period bell rings. Lydia discovers her looking freaked out. Thank goodness for best buddies.
Scott arrives at school on his dirt bike and sees his eyes glowing in the visor of his helmet.
As if that’s not bad enough his shadow is acting up again, as he watches it it contorts into a monstrous Peter Hales/DEUCALION style Alpha beast, all furry bits and claws.
Scott legs it through the school, trying to outrun his shadow and control what he thinks is the change coming over him uncontrolled.
He runs into Stiles who cottons on to what’s happening immediately.
“It’s happening to you too,” Stiles says, meaning losing touch with reality.
How do you know, asks Scott.
Lydia, my Queen, walks up and sets them all straight. “Because it’s happening to all three of you,” she says succinctly.
Down at the police station Sheriff No Name is going through old files. As he digs, he comes across a picture of a girl and flashes back to a car accident where her family was killed.
Pinning the picture to the wall it seems like the girl has some significance…
Back at school, Lydia tells them they’re all mad. Stiles tells her to stop enjoying their suffering so much. Lol, Stydia snark.
In class the new teacher shames his daughter in front of the entire room by pointing out she’s a New-To-School-Kira-No-Mates. Rude.
Introducing KIRA! The new big bad/love interest/supernatural whatsit/who knows. She is very beautiful. Scott is immediately besotted and so are we.
But Scott catches a glimpse of his shadow Wolfing out again and freaks.
Allison is also freaking, only for her it’s shaky hand in art class and red paint that looks like blood spatter which reminds her of her dear old UNDEAD AUNT.
Bum luck for a superb markswoman.
Isaac is also in her class, creeping on her. Ew.
Stiles can’t read the numbers on his locker and reminds Scott that they made themselves beacons for the supernatural when they sacrificed themselves to the Nemeton.
Bad life choices, thy name is Stiles Stilinski.
Now, Stiles the investigator, Scott the werewolf, and Allison the sharp-shooter have lost control of their powers.
Just then scott overhears Kira tearing her crummy dad teacher a new one for humiliating her. But before Scott can pretend like he didn’t just wolf hearing spy on her from the far end of the corridor, Kira sees him noticing her.
Scott starts wolfing out and Stiles gets Scott the hell outta dodge as Kira watches on.
Scott and Stiles make it to a classroom where Scott freaks out some more, only this time it’s about maybe hurting Stiles if he can’t control himself.
Warning Stiles to stay the hell away, Scott starts changing and can’t stop. He digs his talons into the palms of his hands, desperate to halt the change before it overwhelms him. Derek ‘Pain Is My Only Friend ‘ Hale taught him that one.
Stiles is horrified.
“Pain makes you human,” says Scott apologetically as blood drips all over him. Yep, that sounds like a Derek Hale special alright.
Stiles tells him what’s going on with them is real, and it’s bad for him too – he says one way to tell if you’re dreaming or not is to try and read. You can’t read in dreams and lately Stiles has been finding it harder and harder to read. Stiles can’t tell if he’s even awake or not anymore.
“Even now?” Scott asks. And stile stands to see the black board behind them covered in a gibberish jumble of letters.
“I can’t read a thing.”
Lydia, the evidence based buddy, takes Allison out to the reserve to try shooting a few targets to figure out what’s up with her shaky hands.
Firing off a few shots it’s soon clear that Allison is terrible and can’t hit a thing.
Lyds makes Allison try the Mongolian Draw which looks SUPER COOL. Allison still sucks though. Bummer.
Closing her eyes and doing some visualisation gives Allison a vision of her crazy aunt running through the woods.
In typical horror movie style she ditches Lydia, and takes off after the Ghost of Crazy Aunts Past.
She winds up lost, only to be taunted by voices from everywhich way.
Suddenly it’s night and Allison is hallucinating Kate staggering and screaming out of the forrest towards her. She takes aim and fires…
But the arrow is grabbed out of the air, in the daylight again, by Isaac who wins this season’s creepiest stalker award, at the same time as the life saver award. His catch stops Allison’s arrow from skewering LYDIA! Not Kate. WAKE UP ALLISON FOR GOD’S SAKE!
Isaac tells Scott what happened with the girls in woods.
Scotts and him have another dust up over what Isaac was sniffing round after Allison again.
Mama McCall, still super unimpressed.
At the station, practical Stiles bemoans expensive flowers being stolen off his mom’s grave. Our hearts break.
He quizzes his dad on going back through his old cases looking for Supernatural links. Stiles gets it but isn’t sure it’s the best path.
“Do I have a choice?”
No Papa Sheriff No Name Stilinski, not if you want to set up Stilinski and Sons (Scott’s an honorary) supernatural detective agency like I SINCERELY HOPE YOU WILL – Jeff Davis take note: spin off show rights are mine.
The Good Sheriff shares the details of a car crash where one of the child occupants had been dragged away. The bodies of the girl’s mother and little sister were covered in bites and slashes.
Stiles plumps for it being coyotes. But the Sheriff points out that the accident happened on a full moon…
Agent McCall, Scotts FBI asshole dad’s, name is on one of the boxes. Oh, how we hate Agent McCall. *sneers*
Stiles is back in school. He asks a girl to move out of his usual seat, but she signs at him and he lets her sit where she wants.
But then he notices that the entire class is completely, eerily silent.
At the head of the class is Coach Finstock, also weirdly silent and staring at Stiles in the most unnerving manner imaginable.
Coach begins frantically signing the same thing as the girl in Stiles’ seat was, over and over.
Suddenly the whole class is doing it, and as the pressure in Stiles’ head builds, so does the sound of a whistle. Stiles ‘snaps awake’ in class, where Finstock chews him out for drifting in class.
Stiles tells Scott not to worry, he just fell asleep. But Scotts says, “Dude you weren’t asleep.”
Stiles looks down at his paper and sees he’s been scribbling the words ‘wake up’ over and over and over. COZ HE CRAZY CAKES NOW.
Rattled, THE SCOOBY GANG: Beacon Hills Chapter meet up at a picnic table during recess, and they try to pice together what the hell is going on.
Stiles makes an unfortunate snarky comment to Isaac, who, despite being a giant creeper, is actually the victim of child abuse. Nice one for bringing that up, Stiles.
They talk about near death experiences and what it means that three of them have gone thorugh that.
Suddenly Kira the Cutie is there, telling them she knows exactly what they’re talking about.
*record scratch* How did she overhear them? DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN
She shares the Bardo legend from Tibet. Because she’s Japanese, so… *blinks*
Scott and Kira share a moment.
Kira explains that what they’re talking about sounds like Bardo – a near death experience that opens the way to a progressive state of awareness where the person involved can be contacted by peaceful or wrathful deities.
Isaac asks what she means by ‘wrathful’.
“Like demons,” she says completely without guile, because she is so cute. Oh my god.
“Demons, why not,” says Stiles, who is clearly unfazed by the cuteness.
Allison asks what the last state of Bardo is.
Kira perkily tells them it’s death. Like, DUH, OF COUSRE IT IS BECAUSE JEFF DAVIS WROTE THIS GOD FORSAKEN SHOW.
Stiles cannot die, or so help me Davis. So help me…
Sties and Scott immediately take this fun news to… DEATON! Because as we all know, Deaton the Werewolf Emissary Druid Master Of Secrets openly shares all information freely with the kids whenever they need it. Except for ALL THE TIMES HE ABSOLUTELY DOESN’T.
Deaton decodes the sign language being thrown at Stiles in his class room dream.
It means: “When is a door not a door.”
How very mystical and zen.
Scott gets the answer straight away, as anyone whose ever been five would. “When it’s a jar,” he says.
Stiles is thrilled to hear his subconscious is a Christmas cracker joke writer.
Deaton explains that their sacrifice opened a door into their mind, and they must find a way to close it as soon as possible.
So, basically you’re saying a door into the mind that anything could get in through isn’t good? Huh, go figure.
Makes sense of Stiles’ dreams a little better though, doesn’t it? *scary music*
As the boys leave the vet clinic they’re met by The Sheriff With No Name.
He asks them to help him find the body of that little girl whose body was dragged from the scene of the car crash 8 years ago. He wants to find the killer, if they’re still out there.
More Coyote talk as the Sheriff visits the father of the little girl. He’s in the process of ridding his proper of rats – coyote delicacies. He’s been plagued by coyotes lately apparently.
As the Sheriff talks to Sad Dad, Scott and Stiles sneak into the girl, MALIA TATE’s, bedroom to try and get her scent for Scott to track.
Only they’re confronted by a massive Omen dog.
Before they’re mauled to death, Sad Dad calls the barking dog in from the other room, and Stiles and Scott are free to plunder smelly stuff. 🙁
Sad Dad is unimpressed by the Sheriff’s suggestion that the tragic accident that took his family from him was actually an horrific unsolved murder. The Sheriff is duly chastised.
He’s also gutted that to find after he leaves Sad dad to his grief, that the boys couldn’t even get a scent.
“It was a long shot,” the Sheriff says, pretty disheartened.
Scott’s not sure what’s so important about this case.
Stiles tells Scott that the Sheriff wants to solve at least one more case, “while he’s still Sheriff”.
Scott looks shocked as Stiles begins to explain what’s been going on back at the cop-shop…
Back at the McCall house Scott tears a trip off his dad, Agent McCall, who it turns out is investigating the Sheriff for being piss poor at his job. God, how we hate Agent McCall.
“I can’t believe you’d do this to my best friend,” Scott cries. NEITHER CAN WE! *seethes*
Agent MCCall is investigating the sheriff for negligence and failing to get any convictions and generally having been run rings round by the supernatural shenanigans of Beacon Hills. SO, TOTALLY NOT HIS FAULT, AGENT BOGEY FACE.
Scott starts raging and can’t keep it together. He starts to change! But luckily Mama McCall is there to get him away from his dad and talk him down.
“Be your own anchor”, she counsels him, wisely. LOVE YOU MAMA!
Mama McCall tells Scott all about falling in love again, that it will happen, but until then , be your own anchor.
Aaand, I don’t know what you think, but it almost sounds like she’s talking about Sheriff No Name Hot Dad Stilinski and herself, huh? Huh? OK.
Scott pulls it together, but we know he’s going to continue to be royally pissed at his dad for basically getting Papa Stilinski (who might one day be his step father, WHO CAN SAY?) FIRED.
BUT WE DON’T MIND HIM GETTING FIRED, BECAUSE HOW ELSE WILL HE RUN STILINSKI AND SONS SUPERNATURAL DETECTIVE AGENCY IF HE HAS TO POLICE SHIT ALL THE TIME? Cool your jets, Scott, sheesh.
ANYHOO. I really hate Agent McCall’s teeth. GRRRRR
Scott bursts into Stiles’ room and tells him they’re gonna go find that girl’s body, God Damn It. He’s burning with the fiery passion of a teenager who want’s to stick it to his dead beat dad. YAY!
Stiles is totally onboard. And we’re all swooning over the echoes from episode of one of season one! They’re going to look for a dead girl’s body in the woods again! Because that worked out so well for them that time. *eye roll*
Meanwhile, over at Allison’s place, Isaac has finally weaseled his way into her bed! That rat! They’re going at it hot and heavy as anyone with eyeballs and genitals would want to do with either of them. Come on.
“Are you sure Scott’s cool with this?” Allison asks, because talking about your ex’s anger issues to his current roommate as the roommate’s doing you is so, so hot.
“Totes,” says Isaac Isaac Pants on Fire (literally) says as he gets back to business.
He kneels up to provide us with season 3B’s first SHIRTLESS SCENE! YAY! STIP ISAAC! STRIP!
(I cannot stop thinking about how they had to do this love scene together after Crystal and Daniel had broken up. Awkward boner killer.)
As Allison gets a good feel of that deliciously pearly white British chest (bless), she notices something around Isaac’s neck. “What’s that?” Allison asks…
IT’S A GARROTE, ALLISON! A Garrote in the hands of your demented undead imaginary aunt, Kate Killer Argent!
“Let’s do him together,” Kate says as she chokes Isaac to death in front of Allison’s horrified eyes.
Allison screams and jerks awake, where she’s been… dozing next to Lydia after school work knocked them both out cold. Such dedicated students. Bless again.
Scott! And Stiles are in the forest stumbling around looking for… who knows. But they have MapQuest and a phone (nice product placement, MTV).
Stiles leaps and grabs hold of Scott when a Coyote howls deep in the woods and they drop the phone in a brackish puddle.
Stiles hates Coyotes. “They always sound like they’re mauling some tiny helpless little animal.” I like Stiles.
The phone still works! Because MTV love their sponsors. It leads them to the car from the crash that killed the Sad Dad’s family and from which the body they hope to find was dragged.
Why is it still there? Because, Jeff Davis.
The door of the ca looks like someone went at it with a can opener. Five huge rents have been ripped deep in the metal.
Werewolf claws.
Stiles finds a little toy doll which talks and gives them both a heart attack. But then there’s a growl from the bushes.
It says a lot about what they’ve been through in the last three seasons that it’s a creepy toy doll and not the growling of a monster in the bushes that freaks them out more. Sheesh.
Scott takes off after the growling which he seems to immediately knows is a Werewolf. Alpha powers, level up!
He chases it through the woods and over a ravine, showing off his alphas skills by leaping so far.
He finally confronts the wolf, which is in full wolf shift – we’ve only seen Alpha Queen TALIA HALE in full wolf shift before. Talia, Malia… um…
His eyes glow red and the wolf’s eyes glow… innocent killer blue.
“Maila?!” Says scott, but before he can grab the wolf, she shoots away disappearing into the mist.
To the shrieking of horror movie violins the camera pans over a work top covered in blood stained tools and instruments of torture. The sounds of someone being zapped and fried ricochets in whatever nightmare hell hole we’re in now.
The camera finally lands on a phone, flashing as a text message comes in. The messenger is Scott! The message says, ‘Derek Call me.’
Fandom erupts into a frothing mass of joy and excitement.
The camera cuts to DEREK HALE SHIRTLESS! PRAISE THE WOLF LORDS! Only he’s chained up next to PETER HALE, his creepy uncle, and it looks like they’ve been there for a while getting all manner of nastiness done to them.
Back at the table Eli Roth built, a hand reaches for the phone …
“Why are you looking at me like this is my fault?” Peter says to Derek, who is shirtless without his shirt on. Gosh it’s hot in there. He’s glistening with sweat. On his abs. All 20 of them.
“Because it is your fault,” Derek sneers.
But Peter can’t reply as 1000s of vaults rip through their bodies rendering them helpless. The camera shows another message on the phone. ‘Derek, I need your help. Call me back ASAP’.
CUT TO BLACK
Well, I think it’s safe to say that this episode has been an incredible return to form for Davis.
Last season was an unmitigated cluster snafu of poo, but if the rest of this season can live up to this start we’re in for an absolute CORKER!. Great pace, great character development and also, great fun.
Mr Davis, eleven more episodes of that calibre please!
Comments are closed.